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Hildolf

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Tribe.net account cancellation [Nov. 26th, 2009|01:19 pm]
Hildolf
I cancelled my Tribe.net account today. Over the time that I've had it, it proved to be an inferior tool for networking & sharing my ideas via the link to my website. Since I didn't pay anything for the service, I won't complain about the particulars, considering that it wasn't a source of stalkers or spammers.
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Website News [Aug. 28th, 2009|09:47 pm]
Hildolf
In light of the imminent closing of Geocities, I've set up a domain for Hildolf's Den. The URL is: http://www.hildolf.com/
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A Few Words For All Of My Good Friends [Jun. 9th, 2008|08:37 am]
Hildolf

       I find myself writing these words about four hours after my latest experience in a "neighborhood bar," which bears direct relevance to what I have to say here.

       Back in my teens, I engaged in the "expected" activity of drinking, often to the point of excess; it was a "badge of honor" to be able to put away a large amount of alcohol without puking or passing out, and this was my first exposure to the idea that I could let my emotions run wild without being judged for it too much afterwards, as one could always blame any emotional outbursts on the alcohol. A night with Jagermeister in the late 80's cured me of my immature practice of engaging in drinking games, and caused me to reevaluate and adjust the way in which I approached alcohol for the next decade of my life.

       Throughout my twenties, I had a different approach to drinking, with very few intentional instances of drinking to the point of inebriation; my 21st birthday even consisted of having a someone drive me to two bars where I had a grand total of two drinks that night. Most of my time spent drinking anything was spent drinking strong coffee in the coffeehouses that were so prolific during the 90's, which was wonderful in the sense that I was able to interact with others of various age groups in a completely aware & focused manner most of the time; I got a lot of work done in the context of the occult tradition that I work within, including networking with other magicians within these "Coffee Meccas," as the (legal) chemical of choice we mutually shared served to stimulate the mind & body rather than numbing it, and if we were of a mind to, we could freely and safely travel after quite a few beverages.

        Enter my thirties: I began hanging out with a married couple who I'd met at a sword fighting practice near my favorite coffee "watering hole" in Fullerton, and began spending more and more time with them at their residence. Slowly but surely, these people began holding more and more private get-togethers with a select number of friends, get-togethers that included quite a bit of drinking. At first, I started out with a few drinks that I nursed for the duration, but then later on, I found myself joining in on their jovial consumption of larger quantities of alcohol which brought me to the point of stumbling around with everyone else. This trend continued as I hung out with the couple, which came to include dueling while really drunk (something that I wouldn't have thought about doing only a few years before.) When I finally came to the painfully embarassing conclusion that this couple were fucking morons after various instances of stupid & neurotic behavior on their part when we were all quite sober, I parted ways with them. While I parted ways with them, I didn't part ways with the drinking habits that I'd developed during my time with them. Over the following years, I developed many new friendships, many of these friends being of the "drinking buddy" variety; a few of these drinking buddies have even proven to be great friends in a completely sober setting if we have common ground that extends beyond our mutual adoration of intoxication. For a while now, I've been consciously moving away from the "drink to be entertained" mentality, and yet I've found myself in "drinking environments" time and time again, often with little to speak to others about in my less-than-inebriated state. I've seen good friends, people who I really care about, getting beyond-buzzed on a very frequent basis, and it's becoming quite depressing to see them like this so often, especially if they're no longer even putting much effort into the common ground that we have outside of the context of drinking. Moving ahead to last night: I'd gone to a "neighborhood bar" in someone else's neighborhood to enjoy time with a friend, and as I looked around, I realized that I was not only surrounded by people who I had absolutely nothing in common with, but also by quite a few people who I downright disliked based on their demeanor. The bar itself was patrolled by several gorillas wearing black shirts with the word "security" silkscreened across the back. As the night moved on, I noticed drunks and punks being expelled from the premises, sometimes leaving a threat or two behind them. As I'd maintained my pleasant and even-headed manner all night, I expected that I'd be treated with some degree of tact & respect when I moved towards the bar to settle up my tab for the evening: instead, I was approached from behind by one of the security gorillas and told in a harsh manner to "get out" before I was even able to finalize my transaction. This, along with my exchange with the gorilla that followed his initial statement really prompted me to step back and evaluate all that I've stated above after I'd returned home early this morning. Not only had I ended up spending time in a place populated by people who I probably wouldn't waste saliva spitting on, it was an environment the nature of which required that it be staffed by tactless assholes in love with the whole idea that they were bouncers at a bar; This was unacceptable, especially considering that I was spending money in such a social dynamic rather than making it (I'm willing to take a little of this kind of shit in a work environment.)

       After thinking things over, I've come to the following conclusions for the foreseeable future:

-After tonight, I do not intend to consume alcohol in public unless it is in a magico-religious context.

-I will not meet friends in a drinking environment such as a bar, unless it is part of a "club" atmosphere in which I intend to engage in some dancing or stimulating and sober conversation with people with whom I have some sort of common interest with. I will not engage in drinking anything stronger than coffee, juice, or a soft drink in this environment. I will no longer waste my time, money or gas on such establishments that hold no interest for me, no matter which one of my friends is hanging out there for their own interests.

       I have no doubt that my good friends will respect my reasons and my wishes where these matters are concerned.

       Before I engage in my intend period of no public drinking, I intend to spend this evening enjoying a few good German beers and singing Karaoke at the Phoenix Club, which is located at:

1340 Sanderson Ave

Anaheim, CA

92806

more specific directions can be found here:

http://www.thephoenixclub.com/map.html

Come and sing with me.

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Relationships [Apr. 26th, 2008|09:42 pm]
Hildolf

In The Devil's Notebook, Anton Szandor LaVey said

"There are many who would take my time. I shun them.
There are some who share my time. I am entertained by them.
There are precious few who contribute to my time. I cherish them."

The older I get, the more keenly acute the meaning of this statement becomes to me. I really feel no need to go into a diatribe over the quote above, as anyone with the ability to think things through to a reasonable conclusion could distill the practical wisdom from it.

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Victory! [Apr. 16th, 2008|06:41 pm]
Hildolf

      Today, I passed my 4G (overhead) structural steel bend-test. Having already passed my 3G (vertical-up) structural steel bend-test, I am now an AWS Certified SMAW (Stick Arc) Welder, certifying with 7018 structural steel welding rod. Hail Victory! Hail to my allies in this endeavor, the smiths of Svartalfheim! Hail to my teachers William Daniel & John Pummer who gave me good counsel and encouragement! Hail the thew of perseverance!

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Writer's Block: Lost & Found [Apr. 8th, 2008|07:40 pm]
Hildolf
[Tags|, ]

What have you lost that you wish you still had?

Unjaded idealism, which was murdered by the world at large years ago.

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Cross-Post From My Tribe.Net: Wannabes [Mar. 29th, 2008|02:29 pm]
Hildolf

A few observances on wannabes, and my evolving response to them via a recent occurance.

About a month ago, I ran into an individual who I've had sporadic contact with over the last few years; this person identifies himself as a pagan, who's chosen to conveniently attach his practice of polygamy onto the term "pagan," despite all of the evidence to the contrary in the records of traditional pagan societies. But I digress, and I'll do so a little further in order to provide some needed background: when I first met this person, he was working at a hardware store; he noted some of my "trappings" (my Thor's Hammer and my Valknut) hanging around my neck and immediately informed me that he too was a "pagan." I initiated some casual conversation with him, and from the way that he spoke, I was able to discern that he really knew very little beyond some wide generalizations that have made it into some of the more popular books on neopaganism written at the sixth grade reading level. At this point, I offered to supply him with a list of texts & websites containing more accurate information in the hopes that he'd be the sort to actually put some work into developing himself; he (like so many others before him) informed me that he didn't have the funds to purchase the books or the time to read the sites. I politely blew the guy off, and moved on with my life. Months later, I discovered that he was "good friends" with the girl that I was dating at the time, and from that point on, I had sporadic contact with him, observing his poor work ethic and his almost complete lack of respect for others, and saw to it that my then-girlfriend and I afforded him as little of our time as possible, for it's been my experience that people who act in the manner I described usually reveal themselves to be a form of hominid parasite (no biggie, the world's full of them, and the more often you keep this type at arm's length, the better your quality of life remains.) After I parted ways with the girlfriend last year, I enountered this individual on a few occasions, and each time, he reinforced my opinion of him quite keenly, now including neato tales of his occult-oriented friends and their antics. Roughly two years had passed since I'd initially encountered this individual, and he'd apparently made little or no growth as a person or in real information regarding pagan beliefs & practices, despite the fact that he'd actually managed to gain a "teacher" for a while, who, during a discussion with me at one point had described this young "pagan" as a loser with no personal discipline or common sense. I know, a lot of background, but it figures in.

Moving forward to a month ago: I was heading into the local branch of an electronics store with a mind to replace a dead printer when I encountered this person (along with a lovely companion) exiting the store. He stopped me, apparently thrilled, and recounted the events of the day up to that point, which included various events, one after another which were clearly omens of an Odinic nature. Believing that perhaps this incident might be the thing to prompt this young man to pull his head out of his anus and actually become what he spoke about in terms of a high school clique up until now, I exchanged Email addresses and offered to send him a suggested reading list, which he seemed receptive to this time; I told him that if he'd read some of the books, that I'd be more than willing to engage in further dialog with him. I fired off an initial Email to him just to get the ball rolling and show that I wasn't interested in making an empty gesture to him in the exchange of Email addresses, although I didn't send the suggested reading list along, as I wanted to see if there was actually any true motivation present on his part. After almost a week, I saw him at a club and asked him why he'd not responded to my Email, and he assured me that he would do so that night (he didn't.) Two weeks after that, at the same club, he said that he'd discovered that my Email to him had somehow ended up in his "bulk mail" folder and would shoot me an Email (he didn't.) Further, he stated that he would "always walk a "Druidic path", although he'd be interested to learn about other religions." At this point, I concluded that it was business as usual, and that this person's status as a wannabe was very secure. No problem, the most time that I invested in him was in listening to his story initially, and sending him an Email, which took less than five minutes of my time to compose. My time spent giving him another "chance" was minimal. And hey, I got to meet the lovely woman who was with him.

Now to the point of this entry: for YEARS, I spent time trying to help people get the best information out there, including clueing them into the reality behind quite a bit of bullshit floating around wearing the mask of "fact". I'd spend time & energy on these people, sometimes befriending them, only to have them turn right around and take the easy way out with the next shiny thing in the form of the newest Llewellyn book that caught their eye (wasting hours and hours of my time in the process), attempt to somehow use their association with me to boost their "status" among other neopagans, leech resources off of me, or outright steal from me. In all of this effort, my motivation wasn't for some sort of "payoff" or prestige, my motivation was to plant some good seeds for the future (in minds, not wombs), so to speak. After years of dealing with a consistent pattern of bullshit where these wannabes were concerned (and getting more and more pissed off in the process), I'd decided to hold back on offering my counsel to local "heathens" and "pagans" due to the almost consistently predictable outcome that I'd come to loathe so well, opting instead to set up a suggested reading list on my website; in doing this, I made a potential contribution that didn't result in me wasting time & energy on the unworthy and then getting frustrated in the process. I also set up an E-List which I run to this day, although there's very little activity on it, save for occasional verbal bowel movements from morons (and my responses to them), and some insightful posts from a consistent few listmembers who have shown through their words that they're actually been doing work on their own in the real world. After years of little contact regarding my online suggested reading list, I was a bit more receptive to sharing some counsel in the real world after a few instances that bore some good fruit. At a club last year, a group of young "heathens" recognized my trappings and asked me to bring them reading lists the next week. The next week arrived, and so did I, with a stack of reading lists; not one of the people who'd requested the list was there, and I was informed by one of their friends that they'd opted instead to drive out to the hills that night and get drunk. I was annoyed, but I didn't hit the roof as I once would have, and headed inside the club for a drink, at which point, a "heathen" who I'd spoken to on several occasions approached me and chatted me up about various subjects, then began asking various questions about fundamentals of Germanic occult practices both ancient and modern, and asking for my contact details in order to learn more. In the back of my mind, I was growing annoyed that I was once again being pumped for information that could be found in the books that I'd normally put on a reading list, and as this annoyance blossomed, an idea formed: with a serene look on my face, I produced one of the reading lists that I'd bought and handed it to the gentleman, telling him that a great many of the answers that he was looking for could be found in these books, if only he was to acquire them and read them. I was met with excuses that he couldn't afford books (as he downed an alcoholic drink costing about a third of the price of several of the books on the list), and instead of getting pissed off at his excuses, I maintained my calm and told him that if any of what we were discussing really meant something to him, he would make the sacrifices in his life to gain these resources and learn from them. I ended the conversation by telling him to contact me via the Email address on the reading list when he'd finished reading the books listed on it, shook his hand, then moved off into another part of the club. The guy has never contacted me. Am I pissed off? No way. Out of this experience, I gleaned some core ideas to work with when dealing with those who claim to want my insight, and in my opinion, it's a far better method: Give them a little help which costs little of my time & energy, and if they actually do something with it, there's an indication that they just may be worthwhile in investing more time in; those who can't do the slightest amount for themselves on their own exclude themselves by their own devices, and rarely if ever get close enough to genuinely piss me off. Notably, this reflects a philosophy regarding "economy of movement" that I'd learned in my martial studies years ago, and yet have only truly begun to apply to my interaction with others with any degree of efficiency or equilibrium...nevertheless, I am content in the fact that I can finally see the torchfire of this concept beyond its physical applications: expend the amount of energy that a given situation dictates, letting proper awareness of circumstances inform you what is and what is not warranted.

My point? How much you let the wannabes get you down is ultimately up to you. If you close yourself off from the world completely, then you potentially deprive yourself of the genuine people who might occasionally happen into your life. If you let everyone in who can speak about things with enthusiasm for thirty minutes, then you never really know who's the genuine article, now do you? Spend a measure of your time to implement some awareness, and some cunning to help determine who's really worth your time (and develop some backbone if you're hypersensitive about potentially hurting a wannabe's feelings) and then adjust accordingly with each person who you may meet. You might find that you're wasting less time on wannabes, and have more time to spend on yourself and upon the few people you've managed to find that are actually worthy of your time & energy.

Nil illegitimus carborundum!
Sig und Freiheit!

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New Online Networking Stuff & Changes to My Posting & Comment Policies [Jan. 21st, 2008|07:25 pm]
Hildolf



       Well it's been a few years since I've posted to this journal. 2 1/2 to 3 if memory serves. I suppose that it's because I really don't care to share too much of my life with people who I most likely don't know, and as a rule, I suspect the motives of those who want to learn intimate details about me without getting to know me. No problem, this service, and other services that I'm on still serve a useful purpose or two for someone like me: I have the ability to share my opinions & perspectives on certain subjects without having to turn them into articles on my website. Additionally, I can announce the posting of new articles & other material to my website on these services when I do choose to update my site somehow.

       Anyhow, I've decided to allow generally anyone to comment on my journal now instead of just friends, although from now on I'll be moderating the comments from non-friends and non-registered users.

       Beyond that, I've taken the time to update my profile and interests, so there's a little bit more to read about me.

      In the future, I'll be making an effort to synchronize material on my Livejournal with the content on my Tribe.net account, which has features that I like that LJ lacks, although LJ has some features that Tribe lacks as well...I suppose that you could say that I'm taking up the slack with both of these. Don't look for me on MySpace, I'm not there, although there is someone on there with an ID of "Hildolf"...that person is not me. Just for shits & giggles, I had a MySpace account back in 2006 for perhaps a week, but dropped the account after acquiring an online stalker (nothing says "I adore you from afar" like playing headgames with someone via an online networking service.) Considering how long it takes to even load a page (I'm still on dial-up, I have neither a need nor an interest in high speed connection), and the penchant that perverts and mental cases seem to have for using MySpace in particular to facilitate their dysfunctions, it just holds no allure for me. Yeah, I know, I probably just offended some MySpace user; I'm sure they'll get past it.

      Posting probably isn't going to be a regular thing for me, probably only coming into play when I have some sort of announcement to make, or when I feel the need to articulate something that bears remembering, or may be useful to others. I have no intention of returning to my previous behavior where the internet took up a considerable amount of my time...I have too many things (too many good things) to do in the real world that warrant my attention more than keeping track of the latest craze on the web, or the latest spat on a newsgroup or E-list.

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Modifications [Jun. 12th, 2005|10:23 am]
Hildolf
Since someone's seen fit to leave inflammatory comments on my LJ anonymously, I've modified my LJ so that only friends may post comments in the future. It must truly suck to have a life so unfulfilling that one feels the need to waste their time reading and commenting on something written by someone who they obviously don't even like. Pathetic.
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My Birthday [Nov. 10th, 2004|12:30 am]
Hildolf
Yes, my birthday has been a great day throughout history (sort of.)

Nov 10 4004 BC:
Adam and Eve are driven from Paradise.

Nov 10 1928:
Emperor Hirohito enthroned at Kyoto.

Nov 10 1938:
Kristallnacht, Night of Broken Glass, in Germany. Members of the SA, SS, and Hitler Youth round up some 30,000 jews. Jewish homes and shops are targeted for vandalism, 177 synagogues are destroyed by fire and 91 jews are killed.

Nov 10 1940:
Walt Disney begins serving as a secret informer for the Los Angeles office of the FBI, to report back information on Hollywood subversives. He was made a "Full Special Agent in Charge Contact" in 1954. We should note that Disney was an atheist and thus subversive in his own little way.

Nov 10 1972:
Two men hijack Southern Airways Flight 49 out of Birmingham, and hopscotch it variously in the U.S., Canada, and Cuba while demanding $7M. At one point they circle Oak Ridge National Laboratory and threaten to crash the plane into that top secret nuclear installation. After two days, and exhausting most of the aircraft's supply of mini-liquor bottles, the plane lands for good in Havana where the hijackers are jailed by Fidel Castro. Said one of the two hijackers later, "I wanted to fly over the Statue of Liberty and urinate on it."

Nov 10 1997:
Seymore Hersh's book "The Dark Side of Camelot" published, includes allegations that explicit photos were taken of John F. Kennedy with various sex partners and brought by a Secret Service agent to a Washington gallery for framing. The gallery owner, Sidney Mickelson, stated that the participants included a naked Kennedy and assorted lady friends wearing masks.

....if only one of those masked ladies would have stopped by today.

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